I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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