It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
