He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
