So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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