U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
