Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
