I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
