I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
