i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
