This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
