i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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