...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
