It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
