i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
