How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
