well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
