And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
