Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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