I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
