I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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