i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize