I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
