you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
