he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
