I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Are we still banned from the library?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize