Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize