My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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