so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
