Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
