so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
