I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
