theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
