Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
me + whiskey = a bad person
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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