I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
