let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
