I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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