my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
