I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
