I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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