Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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