just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
