there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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