I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
