Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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