I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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