i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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