at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
