I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
