Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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