someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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