ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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