You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
