They should really pass out barf bags in church
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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