there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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