dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
