ya dads aren't the best wingmen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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