I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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