peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
