And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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