i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
