Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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