Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
