i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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