Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(863): View more from Florida

If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.

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(410): View more from Maryland

Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.

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(904): View more from Florida

Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.

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(512): View more from Texas

Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong

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(813): View more from Florida

I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.

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(806): View more from Texas

Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.

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(707): View more from California

I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO

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(703): View more from Virginia

was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??

(540): View more from Virginia

HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING

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