it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
