I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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