Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she pinky promised me she was 18
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
