So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm really busy with my period
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
