she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
