Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hate all girls vehemently.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Randomize
