Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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