well you can't waste a boner
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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