Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
