if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
