i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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