It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
