now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
