I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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